The Internet is full of crap

A report published in Hindustan Times reveals that more and more people in America are logging onto the Internet - in the loo. The Internet has change our society so much. It has made us crazier that we were 10 years ago. It is really freaky.

Get paid to walk?

Isn't it funny that a car maker - Mazda - is recommending its employees to walk to the office rather than drive? And it doesn't stop there. The company pays $12 to those that walk to office.

Now what if my office came up with that. Walking from Deira to Media City... Hmmm. Can I use a bicycle?

Trends in UAE blogs

Mahmood has posted an insightful analysis of the trends or themes of most UAE bloggers. He says most bloggers in UAE bitch about how bad life is in the UAE.

The Emirates is more of an expat scene with continuous bitching on how bad life is in the Emirates and how brain-dead Aeraabs are as well as how smelly and uncouth Indians and Pakis are and how oh how mundane and boooaring this expat life is and how they want permaent membership in the "clooob" and have to live in lurvly Jumaira beach area. There are a few more blogs written by locals, but I fail to find a trend really. They are all over the spectrum but seem to be united in their feeling of superiority.

I totally agree with him. Most English language bloggers in the UAE are so damned serious. Where is the fun in blogging? Sometimes it is really depressing to read their blogs. I mean come on guys, we do have good times here too. Why don't you write about that?

A good wank ;)

Are men that lazy that they would need assistance of a machine to wank their rods?

Only in Japan would you find a machine to wank your rod for you. Don't believe me? Check it out.

Hmmm. Let me see. How much would you have to pay me to put my Peter into that machine?

Plagiarism

A certain person looking for business investors contacted me. He said he got my email address from my website. Upon inquiring the name of the website (X.com) I found I had nothing to do with it. I don't own that company nor have I designed that site! But that person insisted that he got my email address from (X.com).

It turned out that my email address was in fact mentioned on their "contact us" form. Upon further investigation I realized that (X.com) had outsourced their web design to (Y.com) - whose website I had designed a long time ago. (Y.com) had copied bits and pieces of my code without my permission. And if that was not enough they did such a bad job of copying my work that my email address was blatantly exposed for the whole world to see!

I have sent (X.com) a polite email explaining the situation and have asked them to remove my email address from their site. Let's see if they reply. Sigh.

Etisalat's antics

Can someone please tell the decision makers at Etisalat how silly they look in the press? They have just announced plans to purchase Guardian - a system that will block VoIP packets passing through their network. Basically this means Skype and similar software will not function for anyone forced to use their proxy.

First the proxy and now this. According to Wikipedia, it costs Etisalat a whooping AED9 million to enforce restrictions. Getting rid of the proxy will automatically increase their revenues by 9 million.

Etisalat uses the American company SecureComputing, similarly to other GCC nations. They purchase lists of websites as classified by the SecureComputing company. According to TimeOut magazine, Dubai, the UAE government pays 9,549,800 AED each year to the SecureComputing company, the equivelant of 2.6 Million US Dollars, (this is worked out at the rate of 2$ USD per connection).

I don't know how much Guardian will cost them but I am sure it will be within that price range. Funny how their expenses may be balancing their losses.

Cool reasons for the tremors

How people can take two completely unrelated events and somehow manage to find a link between them. Take for example this letter that was published in the newspaper today:

Frankly speaking, I was expecting an earthquake in the UAE because it had to come, be it for five minutes or seven seconds, but it came.

Has anyone thought for a minute the reason for earth quakes coming every week or every month in any country? There is only one reason and that is because no one is raising their voice for the oppressed people in Iraq and Palestine.

Today none of us feel the pain for others as everybody is busy having fun in their life.

This small earthquake in Iran was surely a warning that we should wake up and become one nation. If we do not rise, then a big earthquake will surely come and destroy us all.

Think about it.

What I don't understand is why was Iran punished? She publicly condemns the atrocities by Israel and America.

Card chaos

I got a call from Citibank today. I had visited their website a few days back and applied for a new account. I never expected them to call because I remember closing my browser before the form was actually submitted. Maybe I wasn't quick enough. A nice chap called Gaurav call me and politely said if I had 5 minutes to answer some questions. This is normal for any bank so I agreed and answered the questions that followed.

I didn't open an account with Citibank. The package that Gaurav recommended required me to maintain a balance of AED35,000. Anything less than that and I would be charged a monthly fee. Also, I didn't get a free credit card.

I wonder why when banks call you they offer to give you credit cards at no extra cost but when you go to them, they say no bank will give credit cards without a fee.

Tricks for your body

Men's Health has an interesting article to cure some of the most common ailments. Some of the remedies suggested are so unrelated they actually seem far fetched. I should try these out for myself:

1. If my throat tickles, I should scratch my ear.
2. If I want to eavesdrop I should use my right ear because it is better at picking up conversations.
3. I should think about sex if I want to suppress the calls of nature.
4. Coughing can reduce the pain of an injection.
5. Sleeping on the left side reduces acidity.
6. Rubbing ice on the back of my hand between my thumb and my index finger will cure toothache.
7. If any body part falls asleep, I should rock my head from side to side.

Empty vessels make most noise

This article in EmiratesToday got my attention. UAE is ready to claim the top position in the ICT Index this year. Last year Bahrain topped the charts.

In the 2004 ICT User Index, Bahrain secured the number one slot. "With competition between Batelco and MTC Vodaphone, customers increased and Bahrain stole the show," Malapitan said, but she added that the entry of the new telecom operator in the UAE may tilt the scales in its favour for 2005.

Reality check: It is midway through November of the year 2005. There are no signs of a new telecom operator. Or am I living in the stone ages?

Give me all your eggs and the basket

How things turn out to be the exact opposite of what you expect!

I had a "business" meeting today. The reason I put the word business in quotes is because it really was a business meeting. It would come as a shock for those who know me well. You see, I am the IT guy. I talk and breathe all things to do with computers.

But that is not the topic of this entry. The topic of this entry is what the title says. Give me all your eggs and the basket. That is exactly what the lady (she was da bomb) I met today wanted from me. 30 minutes of discussion revolving around that one sentence. It is funny how people expect us to provide everything to them and expect nothing in return. And they would talk so as-a-matter-of-fact-ly that it implies they are doing us a favor. Oh well. I guess this is how businesses work in Dubai.

Jaywalking 101

If you are living in the UAE, there are 5 basic rules you should follow when traveling on foot (read jaywalking):

1. Pavements are there to beautify the city. Avoid walking on them whenever possible. You do not want to spoil them.
2. The road belongs to either you or your father. You can therefore use it any time, any how and any way you want it. Even if that means walking in the middle of the road that is technically meant for cars.
3. Standing and staring at a red pedestrian signal is a waste of time. You have better things to do; such as walking.
4. Zebra crossings are meant just for that: crossing the road. Then why on Earth should you look both sides to see if it is safe to cross?
5. If there is a group of people crossing the road, wait for that group to reach the other end and for the cars patiently waiting to being to move. Then you can start to cross. It is a zebra crossing after all. It was meant for you to cross and the cars to stop - maybe for eternity.

If you follow these simple rules, you will have mastered the art of jaywalking. Trust me.