Stupid, stupid clients

In my (short) years working as a freelance designer, then as a sales person in a hardware shop and now full-time for MASH UP, I have met my fair share of clients and come across some funny stuff clients say. I thought I should share them with my readers. Here goes...

Client: "There is an error on the leaflet that you designed for me."
Me: "I am sorry but you signed a proof before it went to print."
Client: "Yes, but it doesn't mean I read it."
Me: ???

Client: "Can you give me your fax number?"
Me: "You mean my email address?"
Client: "No, your fax number. I need to fax you the advertisements that should go on our website."

Client: "Is that you final price?"
Me: "Yes, this is the final price after the discount."
Client: "And what if I buy two pieces."

Client: "How big can a web page be?"
Me: "As big as you want it to be. But you do not... [10 minutes of explaining why you shouldn't have very big pages]"
Me: "So, what size would you like it?"
Client: "A4"

Client: "I would like you to design a calendar application for us... [detailed explanation of their requirements]"
Me: "Great! Is there any extra or optional information you would like to store about your events?"
Client: "Yes of course. The date, title and is_active field."

I read about a technical support incident some times ago that makes clients like the above look very sensible. A client calls technical support and reports that his printer can print all colors but not yellow. The technical support guy spends nearly 30 minutes trying to figure out what the problem is. He asks the client to remove the drivers and cartridges and install them again. They put new in cartridges and even try connecting the printer to another PC but nothing seems to make the printer print in yellow color. Finally, the technical support guy asks the client to bring the printer to the service centrer along with some samples of the printing so that they can see what the problem is. Upon looking at the samples of the printing it is learnt that the printer cannot print in yellow ink because the client used yellow paper for printing.